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Written by Mike Shaffran
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The world is changing. There is a relatively new phenomenon in which men are healing other men; thereby, themselves. There are men’s groups sprouting up all over this country in rural, suburban and urban areas. Whether a faith based group like Promise Keepers or a non-denominational group like the Mankind Project (which is international—8 countries, including the US), men are coming together to co-facilitate groups that support and nurture one another. Some men’s groups have weekends that start the process of change through initiation rites, borrowing from Native American culture. There are groups that focus on healing men in prison. There are groups for older men that emphasize Elderhood and its importance for society. Ancient cultures had elders who mentored and modeled wisdom and compassion for its younger men and boys (women and girls as well).
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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Father's Day is a day that is to represent the best that fathers like myself represent. Since I have no biological children of my own or sons, I often feel left out. However, my wonderful girlfriend/partner of 10 years always gives me a Father's Day card, as she acknowledges all the boys, adolescents and men that I've mentored over 20 years "doing men's work". Providing individual, and group therapy for adolescent boys and men over all these years has been very healing for not only the boys and men but also for me as well. This is why I started in this specific area of therapy - i.e., to heal my childhood wounds from my father and family of origin - however, over the last several years, the focus has been exclusively for the men and boys who need this healing far more than I do. It's a gift to be sufficiently well healed to devote my time and energy to them.
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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Nothing can be more devastating than for a man to lose his job. This takes a toll in many ways; specifically, with regards to self-esteem as so many men define themselves by their jobs or profession. If a man loses his job and has no one to turn to: wife, girlfriend, partner, religious or spiritual group or family and friends, he can isolate and withdraw into himself.
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Adolescent Boys and Anger |
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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Doing therapy with adolescents is difficult. This is an understatement. With most boys, it's even tougher. If they get poor role models, then it's even more difficult. If, on the other hand, they have fathers, uncles, grandfathers or other men in the community--coaches, clergy, etc. that praise them and give them blessings, we see boys that can express anger appropriately and the concomitant sadness or grief which usually underlies the anger.
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Initiation Rites for Adolescent Boys |
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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In this era of gangs, "drive-by" shootings, 15 year olds killing 15 year olds, one certainly gets very disheartened and indifferent. It's easy to put on a "stiff upper lip" and become more cynical; simply accept these murders as part of the package of living in the 21st century. One can accept these atrocities of primarily inner city youth along with global warming, multiple wars, and now the 700 billion dollar "bail out" with the impending recession as just the way it is.
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The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children |
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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The psychological effects on children of divorce can be devastating and many divorcing couples are completely oblivious to how their private “War of the Roses” has lasting effects on their children. It is said: “Children are always the losers in divorce.” Unfortunately, parents do not think about the consequences of how they treat their soon to be ex-spouse and how they continue to malign them in front of their children who often feel loyalty to both parents. These children or adolescents are often manipulated by their parents for personal, social or financial reasons.
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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The famous Swiss Psychiatrist, Carl Jung, MD, wrote about and developed the idea of the Shadow. The Shadow is that part of us that we repress, avoid and deny. As men, it's easy to hide real authentic feelings: pain, sadness, depression, anger, anxiety, shame, and even panic can be tucked away until they come out "sideways" or erupt in violence of many sorts--physically or verbally.
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Male-Female Communication |
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Written by Michael Shaffran
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We all know that men and women communicate differently. There are many books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray. Getting The Love You Want and Keeping The Love You Have by Dr. Hendrix. The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Marriage by Dr. Gottman is another excellent book. There is even a series of CD's and books by David Deida: The Way of the Superior Man and several others that deal with male-female communication. All are valid and worth reading.
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